To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Mark! Santa's little team of soldiers,
Cheer to the coffee cup of Folgers.
Hope for you, and glory wild,
Santa and elves are very mild.
Hopeful, for their teams, disguise,
Find the reindeer as they rise.
With Santa's bag of presents,
Santa helps the poor peasants.
Mark! Santa's team soldiers,
Cheer to the coffee cup of Folgers.

Jean Koester, Holdingford, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Hark! The meteorologists sing,
"All our snow's disappearing!"

Grass on earth, th' climate's mild,
Migr'tory animals going wild.
Joyful temperatures rise,
Join the triumph of record highs;
With th' weathermen proclaim
"Snowfall melting into rain."

Hark! The meteorologists sing,
"All our snow's disappearing!"

Arctic Cat no longer adored;
Snowmobilers all are bored;
Late in time, behold no storm,
Minnesota's unseason'bly warm.
Futile sleds, no use for skis.
Hail the puddle that was Frosty.
Snowmakers humming on Buck Hill,
Pretending it is winter still.

Hark! The meteorologists sing,
"All our snow's disappearing!"

Hale the heav'nly degree increase,
Hale the sunshine, no flurries.
Level of oceans, rivers, and springs
Ris'n with global warmings.
Chance of snowflakes less that slight,
Have a Floridian Christmas night.
Morn to th' raise of th' sun above earth,
Gone are our hopes for wintry mirth.

Hark! The meteorologists sing,
"All our snow's disappearing!"

Amy Huston, Burnsville, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Uncle Har-old called today
For a month he'd like to stay
And he's bring-ing Auntie Lynn
See my mother hide the gin.
"A whole month!" my mom starts screaming
"We'll have fun!" my dad is beaming
Last time Uncle Harold was here
He drank all-the wine and beer
And Aunt Lynn-she's quite the dud
But perks up-at 5-Card-Stud.

Then our cou-sins called to say
Big surprise! They're on the way
Said they'd bring the Yule logs'n
do we mind their seven dogs.
"Seven dogs!" my mom did yell
She was mad and dad could tell
"They're housebroken!" he had said
Mom threw some-thing past his head
Then the phone rang off the wall
More were com-ing, twelve in all.

There were twen-ty five for ham
Twenty-six with Uncle Sam
He showed up-just halfway through
Polished off the pies and brew.
With the dishes piled high
All the rellies said goodbye
Uncle Harold fell asleep
To her room-did'Aunt Lynn creep
As she scrubbed my mom did shout
"By next year we're moving out!"

Gayle Knutson, Marine on St. Croix, MN

To the tune of: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
We've Brought You A Lovely Fruitcake:

We heard you were quite sickly
We hope you recover quickly
We've brought you a lovely fruitcake
To cheer you right up

It came from a man
Selling right from his van
We saved quite a bundle
Ninety five percent off

We see that we've left you speechless
For it's truly quite a treat, yes!
To get such a lovely fruitcake
And for such a good price

It's time now to go
Scurry out in the snow
For we are down one more fruitcake
But we still have nine left

We hope you enjoy your fruitcake
But please now for our sake
Remember from whom it cameth
And don't re-gift it back

Diane Tigges, Elk River, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Watch for Harold, he can't sing,
But he will come caroling
Door to door with Christmas cheer,
Mangling ev'ry Midnight Clear.
All the neighborhood so wary,
Baking cookies, waits for Harry.
If you catch him caroling,
Ask him in quick, so he can't sing!
That's your mission, same as ours:
Stop him before he falalalas!

Tracy Thomas, Shoreview, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Please come to my Christmas party,
bring along a guest or two.
We'll have lots of things to eat,
croquembouche, krumcake, too.
"What? You say you're on a diet?
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
No, right now I WILL NOT TRY IT!
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!!"

Called another to the party,
with high hopes to share a drink.
They did answer with conviction,
in full voice what do you think?
"What? You say you're on a diet?
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
No, right now I WILL NOT TRY IT!
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!!"

Threes a charm so I've been told.
Try again! You think I'm bold?
Creamy chocolate's been their weakness,
and they're 85 years old.
Please come to my Christmas Party,
cho-co-late and ice cream cold,
"What? You say you're on a diet?
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
No, right now I WILL NOT TRY IT!
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!
South Beach, Atkins, and the Zone?
Stop or I'll hang up the phone!!"

To the bookstore I did wander,
with resolve for New Years Eve.
Bought 3 books, the 3 bestsellers,
paging through them as I leave.
Snuggled up aside the fire,
with my books I sit and read,
List no more to my desires!
Carb free food is what I need!!
List no more to my desires!
Carb free food is what I need!!

Cindy Blattner, Avon, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Yikes! It's almost Christmas day!
Gifts to buy and bills to pay
Make the season rushed, you betcha!
Pray that flu bug, it don't getcha.
Drive to Grandma's through the snow,
Slippin', slidin', don'tcha know,
Just to eat her lutefisk,
Wondering if it's worth the risk.
So we drink some Christmas cheer
Like we do 'most every year.

Indigestion Christmas brings,
Cuz we eat such frightening things:
Green bean hot dish, pickled herring,
Deep-fried turkey--Wow! That's daring!
Swedish meatballs, oyster stew,
Lefse, eggnog, homemade brew;
Lingonberries top each meal.
Yum! It's all a heckuva deal!
Drink some more of Christmas cheer.
What the heck, it's once a year.

Mark my words, cuz I'm not kiddin'
Under tons of snow we're hidden.
Yet, we're cheerful, joyful, glad.
The mosquitoes ain't so bad!
Though we may be worn and frazzled,
Caroled out and hollidazzled,
Still, we stand and bravely shout,
"Pass me the plate of that eelpout!"
One more swig of Christmas cheer,
Thankful it comes but once a year.

Jim Bitney, Minneapolis, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Hark! The Bells of Santa Ring.

Down on earth waits every child
Some are meek and some are mild
Shout hooray as Santa flies
See him streak across the skies
With his favorite red-nosed deer
Our St Nick will soon be here
Hark the bells of Santa ring
Here he comes his gifts to bring.

Down the chimney see him climb
Bringing presents just in time
In his bag the toys are stored
There's no child who will be bored
Covered in soot for all to see
Drinks the milk but wanted tea
Pleased as punch and feeling swell
Santa says a fond farewell.

Refrain

Dark the night around the house
No-one stirs, not even a mouse
Children sleep and dream of splendors
Hoping that St Nick remembers
Bold his suit, his story splendid
Born that dreams may not be ended
Santa brings gross merriment
Santa's smile sweet sentiment.
Refrain

Anton van der Merwe, St. Paul, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Hark! The Iron Rangers sing,
"Budweiser is still our king";

Beers on ice, and jerky mild,
All our lives are spent outside!"
Joyful, all ye Rangers rise,
Holidays spent with da guys;
With a Ranger toast proclaim,
"Town is owned by Bethlehem!"

Refrain

Teddy's Pub is sure adored;
Playing smear, we're never bored;
Hoping Santa will come by,
Two more weeks; the time will fly.
Choppers sure is good for me;
Union suits will set me free,
With no thermals left to wear,
It's sure is cold way down there.

Refrain

Hibbing Tac is shutting down!
Two more weeks and I am gone!
Another winter on the lake,
A four-holer would sure be great.
Propane heat, an ultra light
Got some crappies in my sight.
Born a Ranger sure is nice,
Sitting out here on the ice.

Refrain

Steven Fetzik, Cambridge, MN

To the tune of: "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing"
Christmas joy
Young and old with happy faces,
Join with friends from many places.
Sing with praise for birthday boys,
Giving gifts and lots of toys.

Praise to them our children cry.
Those who watch give out a sigh.
Frantic days and tired nights,
Fill their hours with work and fights.

But for us the life is kind.
Great enjoyment we do find.
Hugs and love and Merry Christmas,
Fill the weeks, and pleasure gives us.

Praise to them our children cry!
Praise we shout, and give a sigh.
Christmas lasts but for a day,
Then it's "Please, Put toys away."

Constance Van Valkenburg, St. Paul, MN

To the tune of: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
(To my husband, a carpenter, who was laid off for 7 months this year)-what he can say to those waiting for gifts:

Chorus:
I'm laid off & can't go shopping
I'm laid off & can't go shopping
I'm laid off & can't go shopping
So what can I do?

You may Think me a scrooge
or maybe a stooge
But I'm laid off & can't go shopping
So what can I do?

CHORUS

I'll make you a card
And some cookies too
Then maybe I'll hide
And wait till it's through!

CHORUS

I'll sing you this little ditty
It won't be-e sounding pretty
I'm laid off and Out of Money
So what can I do?

Lori J. Hanson, Maple Grove, MN

To the tune of: "We Wish You a Merry Christmas"
"We Wish You a Merry Catmus!"

We wish you a Merry Catmus!
We wish you a Merry Catmus!
We wish you a Merry Catmus and a Happy New Mouse!

Refrain: Good meowing we bring to you and your kittens;
Good tidings for Catmus and a Happy New Mouse!
Oh, bring us a bit of catnip!
Oh, bring us a bit of catnip!
Oh, bring us a bit of catnip and a cup of hot milk!

Refrain

We won't meow until we get some;
We won't meow until we get some;
We won't meow until we get some, so bring some out here.

Refrain

We wish you a Merry Catmus!
We wish you a Merry Catmus!
We wish you a Merry Catmus and a Happy New Mouse!

Katherine Calahan, Edina, MN