THE MINNESOTA PUBLIC RADIO Civic Journalism Initiative with the help of
facilitators Jayne Marecek and Ken Darling of Express/The SMARTT Group asked
150 people in forums in Willmar, Virginia, and Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minnesota how to strengthen family life. Below are ideas that grew from
their suggestions. They are yours to use or adapt to your own needs.
What families can do to strengthen family life
What places of worship
What schools
What workplaces
What neighborhoods
What communities
What health care and social services
When Mary Lou Werner of Willmar was growing up, her family had a family council meeting once a week. All family members met together that night to discuss who would walk the dog, who would prepare dinner the night mom was busy, and who would do the dishes. Treats were served to make it a pleasant experience.
My Calendar Day:
Margaret Skolnes of Moorhead told of her project called My Calendar Day. Each family member gets to choose a day to call his or her own, a day on which that person gets to pick the menu, watch the TV shows he or she wants, and choose the family activities.
Sunday Sundae:
A Twin Cities TV anchor apparently gets the family together each Sunday night to serve ice cream sundaes. Another person we know makes pizza from scratch every Friday night. Forums members thought these great ideas to get families together.
Family Rituals:
The more rituals a family had in the course of the year, forum members said, the stronger and more cohesive that family unit would become. Obviously, families don't have to have rituals 365 days a year, but it wouldn't hurt to aim for a couple of times a week. If they add that to holiday rituals, annual summer vacation, and the intentional family day here or there, the number of times a family comes together can be increased fairly easily.
Family Get Aways:
In every forum around the state, at least one person talked about how important it was to go on vacations together - and the more isolated the vacation spot, the better - no friends, no phones, no television. Doug Wilkowske of Willmar said the Boundary Waters Canoe Area was undoubtedly his family's best vacation experience. Although it wasn't perfect and even included a dunking that made his kids mad, they worked together as a family unit, said Wilkowske, and that's what's important. Try one- or two-day vacations, first perhaps a camping trip, a stop at a nearby resort or take a day trip to the zoo, the museum or a hike at a nearby nature center.
Family-to-Family Sponsorship through churches was a key idea to emerge from the Burnsville Family Forum. However it's defined, families can strengthen one another by sharing resources, providing positive examples, and offering emotional and practical support. Here's one example: "When our daughter was four years old, I thought she needed to learn how to share," says Cheryl Stangler. So each year, through Bloomington's Nativity Church, the Stanglers have sponsored a different family for Christmas. Nativity makes the connection between the families, providing information about children's ages and clothing sizes. Together the Stanglers buy gifts for the other family and spend an afternoon wrapping them. "It made me aware when I was very young that there were a lot of kids my own age that went without the things [I took for granted]," says daughter Karin, now 23. "It was a valuable lesson."
Family Suggestion Box:
Joel Flom and his group in Moorhead came up with the idea of a family-oriented suggestion box that can be used in churches. Let's say little Johnny puts a note in the box suggesting that the church should talk more about dads spending time with kids. Or a mom says kids need to know more about sexuality, and wonders what role religion should have in that discussion. The church's pastor can choose an interesting suggestion from the box and then speak to it from the pulpit or somehow get the church involved in the issue.
School outreach tends to center around what families can do for schools, not what schools can do for families. Our forum members liked the family friendly idea with one group even suggesting that schools remain open 24 hours a day to help families. The family-friendly school might market itself in its own community, just as the Minnesota Zoo or Bell Museum of Natural History markets itself on metro- and statewide levels. Whole families could take classes together in a foreign language, baking - you name it. Learning would be for everyone, which would remind the adults that it's not always easy being a student.
Bring Parents to School Day:
Promote a Bring Your Parents to School Day similar to the Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.
Family Lunch Day:
On this day parents are invited to have lunch at their children's school, maybe in a special room or at a certain table in the cafeteria.
Senior Citizen School Day:
Linda Whitman of Brooklyn Center says that the first Thursday of every month is senior lunch day at Brooklyn Center's Earle Brown Elementary School. The idea is to reintroduce senior citizens to a school environment and to teach them what's happening in the schools. Some might even go on to volunteer in the schools.
"Swede" Stelzer said the owners of Maintenance Engineering, his employer in South Fargo, instead of making outright donations to area sports teams and arts groups, often buys large blocks of tickets, which it distributes to employees' families through an in-company lottery. Certainly corporations that want to reward their employees and strengthen family ties could collaborate with arts, cultural, and sports organizations in making blocks of tickets available and forming family-friendly events. There could even be a clearinghouse where connections could be made between ticket sellers and companies seeking tickets for workers' families.
Noontime Family Discussion:
One forum member suggested that companies could hold noontime parenting and other family-related discussions. An employee committee could take care of the details and choose the speakers, based on input from workers.
Company/Family Activity Centers:
At the Virginia forum, Brad Meyers described how his employer, Minntac in Mountain Iron, opened a career development center for its employees. The center is supported in part by a 10-cent-an-hour deduction from employee paychecks. Subjects taught at the center include computer programming, financial planning, taxidermy, and algebra. Last summer one class started to build a garage from the foundation up in order to teach carpentry and other building skills. Employees' spouses and children over 16 years old make up about half the class participants. Families are spending time together and learning new skills at the same time.
I've-Got-a-Sick-Kid-at-Home Work Kit:
Another idea from forum participants was a way to help parents with sick kids at home. With email and voice mail, a person can easily work from home today. Companies that rely on office workers might put together an "I've-Got-a-Sick-Kid-at-Home Work Kit," which could contain a portable computer, an internal modem, an internal fax, a printer, and some company stationery. When an employee calls in, the company would send the kit to the employee's house via messenger, thus allowing employees to stay home with their sick children while getting their work done at the same time.
Gonzalo "Marty" Martinez - who once invited his entire neighborhood up to his summer camp - and his group in Burnsville suggested putting together a neighborhood phone directory. It could also include each person's areas of expertise, advice, and assistance. For example, a good gardener might be willing to share tips with a neophyte or an older isolated widow might be willing to have tea with a younger woman in need of a parenting mentor.
Community Livingrooms:
Under the direction of Freeport West, Eileen Smith of Minneapolis brings together a handful of neighborhoods for what's being called the Community Livingroom. It is designed to bring people together to talk about common concerns and help each other on an individual level. The idea is to help individuals get stronger, said Freeport West's founder Stephanie Ball, which will ultimately strengthen the family and, in turn, the whole community.
It may be time for whole communities to designate special times as family time. During that time there is no soccer practice, no phone calls, no play practice. Just family time. Maybe it is a Sunday night or a Tuesday night. Each community can have its own time or it can be a statewide voluntary designated time.
When posed the question of how health care agencies can help build stronger families, one woman spoke of longing for a family doctor. Elizabeth Augustine agreed and said, "They used to treat a family, then the person, and now the parts. I am tired of going from specialist to specialist." The group decided that families who wanted a physician for the whole family should have that option. Family doctors will know the family dynamics, which is important in health care. Oddly, the hospice program was suggested as a model for treating illness because it is a caring approach involving the whole family. Said one woman, "They should personalize the health process like they have the end of life process."
Family Advocates in Hospitals:
In Burnsville, participants also suggested more family connections be instituted at hospitals. They suggested a health care advocate be assigned to each hospital patient, who then becomes the family's liaison, a person they can contact with any questions relating to the patient's hospital stay or aftercare.
Outreach for Rural Nontraditional Families:
On the social service side, Frank Bills of Willmar said that rural communities need more outreach programs for nontraditional families. In smaller communities, single mothers, people in mixed race marriages, and other nontraditional families often feel not only isolated but ostracized. The Hibbing Family Resource Center provides a Monday night open house during which parents can share pizza while they support each other and discuss common challenges. This open house is a low-cost way of helping people help themselves.
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