To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
i'm stuck in gridlock, dam it.
my tires squeal, my break lights glow,
all because of winters snow.
oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
stupid minnesota.

oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
six feet of snow, more falling.
schools are closed, the state is too,
who had to work??
You know who!
oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
i think hell's frozen over.

oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
good bye, i reached my exit.
escaping death is quite a chore,
thank god there's only two days more.
oh traffic jam, oh traffic jam
i think i'll move to Florida.

Kari Richard, South St. Paul, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Duck your head the bills are coming
Fa la la la la la la la la
Christmas came you had no money
Fa la la la la la la la la
Lack of cash did not inhibit
Fa la la la la la la la la
You maxed out your credit's limit
Fa la la la la la la la la

See the red ink flowing freely
Fa la la la la la la la la
Far too late you read the tea leaves
Fa la la la la la la la la
January brings the reaper
Fa la la la la la la la la
Now you wish you'd been much cheaper
Fa la la la la la la la la

Wake at night from your sleep shaking
Fa la la la la la la la la
Dreams of debt all your own making
Fa la la la la la la la la
Scrooge's words bring awful visions
Fa la la la la la la la la
Thank God there are no debtors prisons
Fa la la la la la la la la

Sell the dog and hock the china
Fa la la la la la la la la
You'll never make it to Edina
Fa la la la la la la la la
There's just one chance it's all you've got, though
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hope and pray you win the lotto
Fa la la la la la la la la

Budd Batterson, Bloomington, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Deck the halls despite El Nino
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Tis the season, warm or cold, O
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Don we now our light apparel
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Sweating as we sing our carols
Fa la la la la la la la la!
See the bare bare grass around us,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Let's go golfing, par to discuss
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Take a walk, no drifts to measure
Fa la la la la la la la la!
While we take our Yuletide leisure
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Much too fast El Nino passes
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Hail La Nina, Lads & Lasses
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Cold or warm we join to party
Fa la la la la la la la la!
In this land of hale and hearty
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Kate Shields, St. Paul, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Deck the Yuppie Halls!

We decked our halls with boughs of holly
cause it is the season to be jolly.

Hung the stockings 'bove the hearth,
perfectly spaced one foot apart.

Dec-or-ated 'round the yard,
made the place look fancy as a spendy Christmas card.

We're so hip, pulled out all the stops.
Yes, of course we bought those trendy spruce tree tops.

Take my wife you should have seen her,
looks so perfect in her tree topped Beemer

Jesus is the reason for the season,
HO HO HO HO HO they must be teasin'.

We'll go to mass if time will let us,
none of us have ever seen saw a church without poinsettas.

A simple Christmas is our motto,
yet we spend and spend like we won the lotto.

Brad Willodson, North Mankato, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
your neighborhoods are quiet,
O Wobegon O Wobegon
your neighborhoods are quiet.

Not only in the summertime,
but in the winter is thy prime.
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
you are so very quiet.

O Wobegon O Wobegon,
your stories do enthrall us.
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
your stories do enthrall us.

For every week does Garrison,
tell us your stories Lutheran.
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
Your stories do enthrall us.

O Wobegon O Wobegon,
do not run out of stories.
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
please don't run out of stories.

For every week we listen in,
for Garrison to tell us them.
O Wobegon O Wobegon,
your stories keep us laughing.

Frank Kundrat, St. Cloud, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
Oh, sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep,
How lovely are your colors
Oh, sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep,
You're not like any others
You once were found at Eastertime
But now I find you anytime
Oh, sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep,
How lovely are your colors

Oh, sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep,
I know you'll last forever
Oh, sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep
I know you'll harden never
I'll save you until next year
And share you with a tall cold beer
Oh. sugar Peep,
Oh, sugar Peep,
I know you'll harden never.

Suzanne Rauvola, Duluth, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
Humidity, humidity,
In summer we berate thee.
Humidity, humidity,
Oh how we underrate thee!

My skin doth itch in wintertime,
My Christmas wish is calamine.
Humidity, humidity,
Oh how we underrate thee!

Humidity, humidity,
We miss thy soothing moisture.
Humidity, humidity,
We miss thy soothing moisture.

Our throats are parched, our voices dry,
When hands we shake, the sparks do fly.
Humidity, humidity,
We miss thy soothing moisture!

Humidity, humidity.
In summer we berate thee.
Humidity, humidity,
Oh how we underrate thee!

With elbows dry and lips that crack,
To dewpoints high we would go back.
Humidity, humidity,
Oh how we underrate thee!

Beth Wiggins, Minneapolis, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve
How swift is your arrival
O Christmas Eve, I can't believe
How much I need revival!

My neighbor's lights are hung with care
My jack-o-lantern's sitting there
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve
How swift is your arrival!

O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve
I need to start my shopping
No wonder that it seems to me
The malls are always hopping

With carols on the radio
I've lost my rake beneath the snow
O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve,
How swift is your arrival!

O Christmas Eve, O Christmas Eve,
You've got me off my keister
This afternoon I'll change my cards
And wish friends Happy Easter!

Each passing year I think I might
Start early and improve my plight
O Christmas Eve, just one reprieve...
How swift is your arrival!

Dick Patterson, St. Louis Park, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
Good food to eat and friends to greet,
We gather near at Christmas time.
Oh, things for me and things for you,
I love to shop at Christmas time.

To heck with stables and the star.
I'd rather have a brand new car.
Oh Christmas time, oh Christmas time,
We gather near at Christmas time.

Oh Santa Claus and reindeer paws,
The joys are never ending.
Buy on credit here and credit there,
Enticing overspending.

Commodities, how dear to me.
I contribute to the economy.
Oh Christmas time, oh Christmas time,
The joys are never ending.

Oh snow so bright and starry nights,
I revel in your beauty.
The neighbors all hang gaudy lights
In colors tutti-frutti.

Oh tacky lights, how they abound.
Come St. Patrick's Day, they're still around.
Oh Christmas time, oh Christmas time,
I revel in your beauty.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
A symbol of the season.
How do you stay so evergreen
When outside, it's a freezin'?

Oh Minnesota gets so cold
But Elsewhere's worse, so I am told.
Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree,
A symbol of the season.

Oh Christmas day, oh Christmas day,
I've awaited your arrival.
The relatives will go home soon.
Another year - survival!

We congregated, far and near,
Recover, and repeat next year.
Oh Christmas Day, oh Christmas day,
I've awaited your arrival.

Marty Wilson, Duluth, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Deck the halls with Peeps so sweet,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
If you eat them please stay neat,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Don we now our sugar coating,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Who's your favorite? Now we're voting,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing green before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
It's a tree in the Peep forest
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Follow me to merry Peepville,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
It will be a very cheap thrill.
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Fast away each little Peep passes,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Eat too many you'll get gasses,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
If you eat us all together
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Your arteries will be like leather,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Brian Rauvola, Duluth, MN

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