To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Christmas shopping now is done.
Wrap and wrap and snip then tie and tape.
Found a gift for everyone.
Wrap and wrap and snip then tie and tape.
Pretty paper, shiny bows,
Wrap and snip, wrap and snip, tie and tape.
'Neath the tree each package goes.
Wrap and wrap and snip then tie and tape.

Such a pile of mysteries!
Rattle, rattle, tap, then pinch, poke, scrunch.
Guess and wonder, shake and squeeze.
Rattle, rattle, tap, then pinch, poke, scrunch.
Brimming with anticipation,
Rattle, tap, rattle, tap, pinch, poke, scrunch.
Peeking is a great temptation.
Rattle, rattle, tap, then pinch, poke, scrunch.

Christmas day arrives at last.
Rip and rip and shred then slash and tear.
Tension and suspense are past.
Rip and rip and shred then slash and tear.
When the action finally ceases,
Rip and shred, rip and shred, slash and tear.
All the wrapping lies in pieces.
Rip and rip and shred then slash and tear.
Yes, Half of all the fun is getting there!
(last line repeats tune of previous line -slowly)

Ruth Bures, Winona, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
O deficit, O deficit,
Where on earth did the cash go?
O deficit, O deficit,
How will we solve thy problem?

Was it caused by spending glut?
Made even worse by tax cuts?
O deficit, O deficit,
How will we solve thy problem?

First, Jesse gave us big fat checks!
Now we're in debt to our necks!
O deficit, O deficit,
Where on earth did the cash go?

Then Moe and Sviggum spent the rest
And, now our eggs, they have no nest
O deficit, O deficit,
How will we solve thy problem?

What's the budget for schools and light rail
The stadium issue has grown so stale
O deficit, O deficit,
We'll reinvent our government

Catherine & Kyle Kortz & Christensen (respectively), Woodbury, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
O Christmas tree, o family,
in two weeks I'll see thee.
Before that time, I won't get sleep
as finals doth upon me creep.

Right now I'll have some fun,
Have good times with my friends.
O I feel sick, I sure can't study;
This college life is so rough.

It's 3 am, I've earned myself
yet another all nighter.
3 coffee cups, 5 soda cans,
I'm wired to the max.

Who wants to study when there is
procrastination to be done?
O video games, o movie night...
What's one hour going to matter?

O politics, o left or right,
so much debate to be had.
To Mr. Bush we'll spread the word,
NO attack on Baghdad!

It's 5 am and getting bright,
I've wasted my time all night.
O grade point avr'g, o professor,
Please understand I beg you.

O college life, you stress me out,
but I'll survive in the end.
O college life, in years ahead
I'll reminisce so fondly.

Kaitlin Boyce, Duluth, MN

To the tune of: "She'll be Comin' 'Round the Mountain"
Santa's coming down the chimney late tonight,
Bringing presents for the children left and right.
Here good cookies will be waiting,
Santa is anticipating
That the journey UP the chimney will be tight - (very tight!)

Santa's reindeer will be waiting on the roof,
Slowly checking out their footing with each hoof.
Santa soon will be arriving,
After doing some conniving,
To bring cookies to his reindeer on the roof - (I have proof!)

"Merry Christmas to you all," I heard him say,
While his reindeer pulled old Santa in his sleigh,
"Leave those cookies on the table,
I'll be back when I am able.
They'll taste good when I return on Christmas Day!" (Hoo-ray!)

Marilyn Pedersen, Owatonna, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam,
How you congest my inbox!
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam,
Please find another inbox!

I spend all day deleting you,
I unsubscribed, please get a clue!
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
How you congest my inbox!

Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
You sure are trying to tempt me!
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
With promises you make me:

Order Viagra Secretly!
Low Mortgage rates! Cheap DVD's!
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
The promises you make me!

Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
You're ruining my marriage!
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
I'm sleeping in the Ga-rage!

It started when you sent the one
About the 'free' porn I had won.
Oh Christmas Spam, Oh Christmas Spam
You're ruining my marriage.

Amy Harrison, Moorhead, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Trek the malls in Christmas folly
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Video games and this year's dolly
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Gone are all the newest models
Gotta get, gotta get while on sale
Empty hands has she who dawdles
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale.

See the vast displays before us
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Clerks and ads all sing in chorus:
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Follow us, we sell with pleasure
Gotta get, gotta get while on sale
All the best in yuletide treasure
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale.

Fast away the money passes
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Hail the toys, ye lads and lasses,
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale
Ring we, joyous, all together
Purchases, purchases, all on sale
Heedless of the snowless weather
Gotta get 'em all while they're on sale.

Jessica Lerbs, Maple Grove, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Re-create the malls with affordable housing
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Learn a new skill instead of just browsing
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Don we now our peacetime ego
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Before we make the fish in the sea glow
Fa la la la la la la la la!

See the Gulf ablaze before us
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Pre-emptive strike talks simply bore us
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Taxes rise more than we can measure
Fa la la la la la la la la!
While CEOs steal all our treasure
Fa la la la la la la la la!

The bad old days are trying to come back
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Secrets and lies in the political tool sack
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Sing in protest all together
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Heedless of the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Bob Ludwig, Dallas, TX

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
how lovely are your cherries
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
you're filled with nuts and berries

I cannot stand
to see you there
left all alone
and no one cares
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
you're filled with nuts and berries

Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
how well preserved your citron
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
you're not as bad as Enron

So how come you've
been shunned and feared
the butt of jokes
for many years
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
you're not as bad as Enron

Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
this is the year for glory
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
for you're a sad sad story

You were so fresh
in eighty nine
you've been re-wrapped
a dozen times
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
You are a sad sad story

Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
the time has come for favour
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
at last you will be savored

I'll put you on
a plate of gold
summon the dog
who's blind and old
Oh fruited cake, oh fruited cake
at last you will be savored!

Diane Tigges, Elk River, MN

To the tune of: "O Christmas Tree"
O Christmas Tree, you bother me,
Your needles dropping constantly.
We finally got you in your place,
You take up all our living space!

Your beauty is attractive to
Our cat who loves to climb on you
And also to that dog of mine
Who's found an appetite for pine.

O Shopping Mall, as I recall,
You gave me quite a headache.
I fought the crowds and, goodness sake,
Spent much, much more than what I make.

The bills aren't due on Christmas Day
But come next month, that's when I'll pay
For gifts I bought since been returned,
Unliked, un-fit for all concerned.

O Family, go away from me!
We've spent too much time together.
Trapped in this house with kids and spouse
Due to the lousy weather.

Yes, I love you with all my heart,
If only you would do your part.
Just help me out a small amount
And while you're at it, please don't pout.

O Christmas Tree, O, Christmas Tree,
Soon you will be gone from me.
Out to the curb, you won't disturb.
You'll just lie there quietly

Until the garbage truck stops by,
Picks you up and lets you fly
Into the bin. Good-bye my friend!
Next year we'll do it all again.

Sue Fite, Roseville, MN

To the tune of: "Deck the Halls"
Wreck our bowels with blobs of butter
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Haul out all the kitsch and clutter
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Don we now our pants elastic
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
To the mall, we tote our plastic
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)

Buy the pile of goods before us
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Please the kiddies' whiney chorus
(wah wah wah wah wah wah wah!)
Follow now into the traffic
(Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!)
The congestion makes us spastic!
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)

Now we gather to make merry
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
"Peace on earth" is momentary
(Yah da yah da yah yah yah yah yah!)
Parents shouting, children pouting
(Wah wah wah wah wah wah wah!)
All the while you feel this doubting
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)

Now we're done with our unwrapping
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Parents dream of quiet napping
(Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!)
There's one way to halt derision
(Yah yah yah yah yah yah yah!)
Fire up the television!
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)

Every year we feel it coming
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Pandemonium that's numbing
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
Soon it's done, but just remember
(Fa la la la la la la la la!)
You'll be back here next December!
(Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah!)

Paul Strebe, Minneapolis, MN

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